Spinning

How... do we?

A student approached my desk with the pencil in the photo below. It was a rare (only) moment of peace in our classroom this morning, and I was about to ask her to just please go sit down. She held the pencil out to me, and as I read it I heard her say, “I have heard you sighing a lot, and I think you need this.” I laughed, with a note of hysteria in my voice, and said, “Honey, you keep it. I promise to keep it in my heart.” She refused, saying that she had other pencils but I needed this one.

This week, I told several colleagues — with the air of confession — that I could not say with confidence that I am a good teacher. Stay with me. I’m confident that, in the past, I have been a good teacher. Sometimes I would even say VERY good. However, right now in the middle of the 3rd week of school, I’m doubting myself. Luckily, I have chosen a workplace which is stocked with the best kind of humans. I am thankful to Brandon, who assured me that it would all click into place and I wouldn’t remember this part in January. I’m thankful to Stacy who agreed that my lesson hadn’t gone well, but helped me find solutions. I’m thankful to Sondra who found a strategy to find our way through the brand new reading curriculum so I had something familiar to grasp. It does indeed take a village.

Please don’t feel you, Dear Reader, need to reassure me. I’m ok (or, I will be) and I do know that I’m a good teacher. It’s just that when there are so many needs and challenges that I feel overwhelmed, that I’m drowning, the first thing to go is my confidence. I also forget that I am not on an island, and that there are people here with me. Yes, they are struggling too. Some of us need reminding that staying on our island is detrimental to not only you, but to the community at large. The problems are not yours or mine (though we are individuals), they are ours.

I believe Stephen Colbert understands this. Is he the public face of losing his job? Yes. But he is not an island, and he is continually — and loudly — making the point that the cancellation of “his” show means the loss of employment for his 200 person staff. I have no doubt that Jimmy Kimmel will follow in Colbert’s footsteps. The question is, will we?

We are all protected by the United States Constitution, until one of us isn’t. In a country as large as ours, with citizens who are so divided, it can be bewildering when we witness what is most certainly a trespass on our constitutional rights. I say bewildering because, regardless of where and how you choose to apply your freedom of speech, we are supposed to be able to count on the government staying out of it. It is the FIRST amendment. The very first thing that the men who founded this country made sure to secure was the freedom to speak up against our leaders (or anyone else) as well as freedom of the press. With people who speak out against the increasingly fascist moves by the government being fired and silenced, this is the time when those of us who believe in the U.S. Constitutions (i.e. citizens of this country) to come together.

Charlie Kirk said terrible things when he was alive. While I wished he would be silent, I never wished he would be silenced. I’m as progressive as my Macalester-taught, teacher’s union-backed, feminist-fired heart can be, but I abhor the political violence that has been visited upon humans lately, and EVER. Do I wish that Melissa Hortman would have been afforded the same level of honor and grief by our leaders as Mr. Kirk? Yes. Do I condemn those who are feeling grief over the loss of someone with whom they felt a connection? No.

We don’t have time to be petty anymore. Any true patriot is scared to death over the disregard and disrespect of our constitutional rights, and perhaps we all just don’t know what to do about it. But I’ll tell you one thing, we’re no good staying on our sides. These are not my problems, they are not your problems. WE have enormous, dangerous, terrifying problems, and we need to work together to fight for our own survival.

Pause. Breathe. Try again.

Thanks for reading.

Love, Susie