My Valentines

Still a Grinch... despite the adorable children

It’s that time again, when I start my Valentine Grinch grumbling and make my students lift each other up with creative writing.

Around February 1st every year, students start asking me for a class list so that they can buy their Valentines. I subsequently send home the following note:

This year, the children ignored me even more than they have in years past. At least 15 of my 27 students brought in treats for the class, so that their bags were overflowing with gummy bears and Fun Dip (yep, still a thing) and bouncy balls for crying out loud. Dear Readers, you will not be surprised that I am the teacher who states, “You may pick two things to eat and the rest go home!” Bah, humbug.

Despite the excitement over Ring Pops, the chaos settled into a significant silence as kids starting reading the paper hearts at the bottom of their bags. I settled into my favorite moment of the year, as I watched surprise and emotion light up the faces of these 4th graders. A few of my favorites this year:

• Dear ___, you are a good friend because you are humble. It is friendly when you don’t brag. It makes me want to learn from you.

• Dear ___, you make me feel warm in the inside.

• Dear ___, I notice when you compliment people. You make me feel cheerful when you compliment people.

• Dear ___, you make me feel like I belong. You act like I belong and I appreciate it.

• Dear ___, I like it when you are nice (you are always nice)

• Dear ___, you are brave you ignore the haters and the people who make fun of your outfit but you keep wearing it. So I want to be brave like you.

• Dear ___, I notice that you are an admirable drawer.

• Dear ___, I like it when you’re shy it teaches me to comfort people.

• Dear ___, you inspire me to write better.

Eventually, I put on Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown, and settled in to read my own little notes. As usual, I laughed and cried over the earnest tidbits from my sweet students:

• Dear Mrs. Loeffler, I love the way you teach thank you for everything.

• Dear Mrs. Loeffler, I like it when you correct me so then I can get smarter.

• Dear Mrs. Loeffler, I love how well you teach. It truly makes me feel smarter because of you.

• Dear Mrs. Loeffler, you are a good teacher because you make sure we learn and do the right thing.

• Dear Mrs. Loeffler, you are a good teacher because I know how to do math division.

• Dear Mrs. Loeffler, you always have the best energy at school.

• Dear Loeffler, you are good at teaching.

• Dear Mrs. Loeffler, I like it when you don’t yell at us. It makes us feel like we are a disappointment.

Yes, that last one rocked me back on my heels. What does that mean? Does it mean that I yell a lot? Does it mean that mostly I don’t yell, so when I get upset it has an impact? This child is one of the most clever and insightful I’ve seen at this age, and I know for certain he meant it to be a compliment. I guarantee it will stick with me, and I will consider it as I move forward.

I’m currently in a play with a wonderful friend who is awesome at compliments. She is specific, and she is generous. She not only tells me that my butt looks great, but tells me what about my outfit makes it look great. It’s like a bonus: I’m going to make you feel good, and I’m going to tell you how to recreate it! I admire this trait in her (hey, Sammi!) and wish to adopt her practice.

My 4th graders are not allowed to compliment “external character traits” in each other, they need to find what they love about each other as human beings. I was thinking about this the other day when I was scrolling on Threads and came across this advice: don’t compliment — or even comment on — parts of people they have no control over. Can we STOP with the, “You look so good, have you lost weight?” already? Instead, compliment their actions, their style, their attitude. Notice who people show you they are, and lift them up.

Here’s the truth: I wanted to be serious this week. I wanted to be philosophical and introspective and political and kind of angry. But… I’m tired. Bone tired. I know things are still bad, just as bad, worse. I’ll get back on my soapbox soon. But I’ve been told it is ok to take a break, as long as I get back in the fight when I’m rested. Of course, there are so many people who can’t take a break, and I’m going to examine my feelings about that.

Until then, be kind. Be honest, but be kind. Listen, but also offer food for thought. Learn, and change your mind.

Thanks for reading.

Love, Susie