Even if you only know me through my writing, I’ll bet you would label me an extrovert. You know about my affinity for performing, my need to be actively involved in my community, and that public speaking doesn’t make me panic. For the most part, I would vehemently agree with you — I am energized by people and outside-the-home activities. To a point.
Like so many aspects of brain-body identification — gender, sexuality, neurotypicality — our ability to endure/enjoy public/social situations is on a spectrum. For example, I can perform or speak all the live-long day, and it is hard to convince me to leave a group of friends with whom I’m having meaningful conversations. Small talk, cocktail-party chat, and political functions are pretty tiring for me. I generally feel awkward and very stupid, especially in the realm of politics, so I’m unsure why people keep asking me to run for office! Meeting new people also expends a lot of energy — I’m in a near-constant panic about remembering names and details — but I like people so it isn’t as bad.
A few situations notwithstanding, I am 90% extroverted. I believe I mostly get this from my dad (though my stage performance comes from my mom). I chatted with him about it, and he admitted that he thinks he’s better in front of a small group than a larger one, but as a politician he has done both. At this point in his life, he’s discovered where he is comfortable — I swear, it is nearly everywhere — and puts himself in those spaces.
My darling husband Dan is about a 50/50 I would say. He would rather stay home. If he isn’t home, he would like to be with a friend or two (I count as a friend most of the time) in the woods. He likes coming to events where I am performing, but he likes them better if they are done late afternoon or early evening so that bedtime is not disrupted. If a gathering is filled with mostly people that he knows — family or close friends — then he has a great time once he’s there. But here is the truly baffling, magical thing about my Dan: you’d never guess about the introverted side. In fact, I think there are a lot of people who might say that he’s more of an extrovert than I am! He’s terrific with people, and is really interested in them. He can talk a blue streak to anyone. He’s friendly and funny and I think that probably bites him in the butt sometimes because he would rather stay home.
Now let me tell you about Janet. I first met Janet when we were both doing a panel for our local chapter of NAMI — we were seated next to each other. She was pleasant but quiet and seemed nervous. We were asked the first question and the answers began with the man on my left. After he and I had gone, I looked over at Janet and she was crying. Folks, Janet is a capital-I Introvert, and she agreed to be on a PANEL talking about MENTAL ILLNESS. I went ahead and teared up with her because HOW BRAVE IS THAT??? (Tearing up a little bit right now just thinking about it.) She breathed through it and took her time and picked up the microphone and said her piece. She was great.
But wait, Dear Readers, we are not done with the story of Janet. A few short months later it was election season. Several key positions were open on the school board of our troubled district, and there were a number of scary people running. Exaggerating? I think not. We are talking bully-defenders… actually, outright bullies. We are talking about school prayer. We are talking about… well, it looked a lot like our current state of affairs on a federal level. Guess who stepped up to run? That’s right: JANET. Not only did she put herself on the ballot, she sat at a public forum — was placed between the two biggest bullies there — and stood up for our kids and our community. She didn’t win, but she made sure the dialogue included the bullied and the oppressed. I was so thankful.
Am I done? Of course I’m not. Because this last weekend, Janet PERFORMED IN THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES WITH A BUNCH OF INCREDIBLE HUMANS (including yours truly!) And I don’t know if you know this show, and none of the parts are easy, but I never would have pegged an introvert for doing the one Janet did. I’m so proud to know her.
Y’all, if Janet can come out, stand up, speak out, be willing to serve? We all can.
But we don’t have to do everything.
I was having a chat with one of my wise women this week, and she has been doing the work of helping other women survive and thrive in this world where we feel unappreciated, overwhelmed, and guilty of not doing enough. One of her advisees had read an article with a list of 15 things we can do right now to make a difference. What the article forgot to mention was that we don’t have to do ALL of them all at once!
We all have gifts, and they vary widely between humans. I love love LOVE being the center of attention and I spent 4 years at college learning about theater as protest, so I’m hoping that the Monologues are just the beginning. I hate talking on the phone and get nervous talking to politicians about policy, but a lot of people I know are awesome at these things. I would rather participate in a movement than be in charge of it, so I’m so thankful for my leader friends.
Find something on a list that fits into the area around or just beyond your comfort zone. If you’re feeling The Power of Janet™, pick something that really stretches you all the way out of that zone! But start with one. ONE thing. Not eight. If you do the one thing and it feels good, do it again and maybe think about adding something else. Find a friend and do a thing together. It feels good. It helps the helplessness and the despair.
Thanks for reading.
Love, Susie
Thank you for this, especially for reminding us we don’t have to take it all on. I had a difficult week at work and this was a nice balm.
Thank you, Susie.