It’s Christmas break, and my laptop wasn’t charged because my semi-adult children were using it to watch Grey’s Anatomy — I KNOW — and I’ve been sick since the last day of school, so in contemplating the subject of this week’s piece, I just had to laugh.
The best part of the Holiday Program this year was the 4th grade student with autism in the chorus (4th grade is the chorus for the 5th grade play) reacting to everything happening onstage with greatly exaggerated pantomime gestures and comments such as, “Oh my god!” and “What do you think will happen next?” We “Backstage Adults” were crying with giggles.
When I went to the framer’s to pick up Dan’s gift — a gorgeous landscape by Reid Peterson — I found it displayed on the wall. When Eric (small town, of course I know him by name) handed me the piece and commented that it turned out beautifully, I said, “Yes, but it’s upside down!” We laughed, and laughed more when Eric said, “I got so many compliments on it today!”
During Christmas Eve Charades, my dad — who, it turns out, is a bonafide Charades MVP — mimed going to the bathroom to get us to guess Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.
After our house was broken into 6 weeks ago, Dan decided to get us all pepper spray — in fun colors! And put them in Christmas stockings! The kids were… nonplussed.
I opened a package of cocktail napkins from my mother on Christmas morning. As I began to read the caption on them aloud for the family, my mom shouted, “Wait! Wait! OK, you should know that I bought them before I looked at the back!” Because of course she had to buy me cocktail napkins that say, “I’m sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?” But she didn’t necessarily mean to buy ones that say on the back, “When someone tells me I look familiar, I tell them, “I do porn.”
My mom gave my husband his (perennial favorite) gift of scotch-that’s-too-expensive-the-rest-of-the-year, and they commenced with the traditional argument about whether or not he was allowed to share it with everyone before Christmas dinner. Dan won — perhaps for the first time — and yes, it really is that good.
The 15-year-old spent the entire time between Christmas Breakfast and Christmas Dinner recording his every move on his new Go-Pro-type camera. Talking me into helping him download the videos onto the computer, we discovered that he had taken them ALL in slo-mo. Why yes, that is an 8-minute video of Billy shaking his David Cassidy-style hair like some kind of teenage-boy, camo-wearing Charlie’s Angel.
One teenager fell asleep before Christmas Dinner began, another conked out as soon as his plate was empty, and the third slumbered after pie. We five adults sat around the dining room table, playing trivia and drinking and singing and feeling like the situation was surprisingly satisfactory!
The 19-year-old’s boyfriend and Billy have been playing Fortnight together all day. In separate bedrooms. That are right next to each other. Shouting. Over headsets.
Dan won’t talk to me (or eat, probably) because he’s reading his new book.
All in all, we are a merry crew. We are thankful to be together, and I am utterly grateful for YOU, Dear Readers. Feel free to share your tales of holiday hilarity in the comments!
Thanks for reading.
Love, Susie
Love Billy’s socks!