Fill in the Blank

When your brain autofills

Note: Anything that is underlined in the text is a link (just click on it), and those links support the ideas herein. My mother did not realize this, so I thought I should mention it as — particularly in this piece — it will enhance your understanding and enjoyment.

Clap for me. Seriously, give me a good thump on the back and a resounding, “Atta girl!” The other night, Dan and I were having a semi-serious conversation about… the world, I guess? The impending apocalypse? The Nazi-fication of our overlords current administration? At any rate, Dan began his thought with, “It seems to me…” And I did not interrupt him with 🎶YOU LIVED YOUR LIFE LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND!!!🎶 *bows gracefully*

I’m entirely sure that I’m not alone with this autofill feature in my head. After all, most of us complete the offering, “May the Force be with you,” in one of two ways:

1. Always.

2. And also with you.

(It depends on whether you grew up churchy, and what kind of churchy.)

If you’ve been reading me for a while, you know that I was raised on show tunes, which naturally lend themselves to expository text. From the time I was in late single digits, I knew to respond to anyone saying, “I can do that,” with 🎶I can do that! (dah-dah-da-dah) 🎶 It made my mom and me laugh every time — and still does!

It isn’t only musical cues that trigger this reaction. Anytime our son takes off with his buddies I call after them: Bye bye, boys! Have fun storming the castle! and then turn to Dan and ask him if he thinks it will work. He does not have The Princess Bride in his hard drive, so I am often left unsatisfied. I know, I know… INCONCEIVABLE!

Dan is not immune to Brain Autofill. His Goodfellas trigger is especially activated when I ask him to help me bring in groceries. We are also required to assure him that his hair is perfect.

As I was basking with pride over my accomplishment of not interrupting my husband with silliness, I started to imagine other inappropriate times for Brain Autofill to occur.

• I know some people wouldn’t mind if, when the minister stands before the bride and groom to say, “Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today…” I stood up and cried, 🎶To get through this thing called life!🎶, but I best not risk it.

• I’ll ask her, but I’ll bet if my principal poked her head into my classroom and asked, “Do you have the time…” and I burst out with 🎶to listen to you whine?🎶, I would be without a job shortly thereafter.

• The next time I’m out for breakfast, I probably will simply ask for cream, instead of this response. (Though at this point I’d probably prefer it ground into a fine powder, amirite, Ladies?)

I do, however, think we should all adopt the practice of interrupting anyone complaining about immigrants in this country. I don’t think Mr. Manuel Miranda would mind a slight edit in his lyric:

Bigot: Blah blah blah because immigrants..

Us: 🎶THEY GET THE JOB DONE!🎶

Thanks for reading.

Love, Susie

P.S. I didn’t have an appropriate photo to accompany this piece, so instead I’m giving you this side-by-side of photos taken of Dan and me, by family members, 4 days apart. We could only have married each other.